Saku (arizonaicerose) wrote,

My god my muse is all angsty today!

Prompt- Hatori/Hatsuharu.  Hatsuharu/Yuki.  “You can’t always have what you want.”  Unrequited.  Comfort in another’s arms.   “In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.” – Albert Camus

I added a Yuki/Kyo in here too…Erg…no idea how that happened….

The sobs have long stopped, tears have long since dried, and his frenzied mutterings (and perhaps manic clawing at his arms) have ceased; yet the hand does not stop carding through his hair. The arms do not stop their comforting hug. The chin does not stop resting on the top of his head as soft, soothing nothings fill the air.

The drugs that he has been injected with slide through his veins and slow his movements. As eyes travel along the empty room he swears everything is doubled. Unwanted effects of this medication no doubt, but still if it can make him forget for an hour he will happily take this dizzying effect.

"Every day," he whispers, and he knows that Hatori is going to see it as his manic ramblings returning (perhaps he can get more meds, enough to have him sleep it all away). His mouth continues the same ramblings. "Should have known, should have." The arms tighten around him, chin replaced by a cheek. Stupid me. So fucking stupid..."

He should have known. Should have always known. But he was certain the Cat was unloved. But to be replaced by him. No not replaced. You can't be replaced when you haven't even put yourself out there.

"In the bathroom." He cannot cry anymore, his tears have long since dried.

"Kissing like no tomorrow." Nails dig along his skin as he feels soft hands pry them away from his arms and hold them tightly.

"Stupid me."  Warm breath slides over his ear as the sweet, comforting words slide over him, he cannot even hear them anymore over his own rambling thoughts. 

"Never told him, can't now.  Over and over and over and over." A piercing pain in his arm wakes him from his frenzied words and breaks the heartbreaking scene that had flooded his mind; a memory from earlier today

Looking down he watches as the plunger is pushed slowly. Immediately his mind is slowed, the frenzied thoughts taking a back seat and the whole scene slips from his grasp. All he can focus on is his breaths, on the way the room has taken a double again. He can only stare at the drop of blood that rolls down his pale arm.

Suddenly the warmth that surrounds him is all he can focus on. On that warm cheek pressing on top of his head, lips moving in his hair; the arms tighten around him pressing him closer to the tear stained white shirt.

If he closes his eyes and pretends hard enough Hatsuharu can push away all that is Hatori (he's too tall and his arms are a little too big then Yuki's smaller, delicate arms). Eyes slide shut as the last of the medication enters his mind. Breaths slow from their frenzied pace and he knows from experience that soon he will be left alone. But for this second. This moment he can pretend that it's Yuki holding him tight, whispering loving words into his hair as they curl up together in a darkened bedroom.

It's a skewed way of thinking, he knows it is destructive. But for right now he loses himself in the fantasy. Loses himself into what could have been; if he had been more forward. He thought he had made it clear; or was today Yuki's way of saying it would never happen. Yet, he finds himself not caring as the medications keep his mind from caring about anything but the fantasy that fills his head.

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